A late-night flurry of WeChat messages from my mom—photos of jackets and blouses—reminded me of something much deeper than clothing. In this episode, I reflect on how love often shows up in the quietest gestures, and how easily we can take our closest relationships for granted.
📝 Show Notes
In this heartfelt episode, I share a personal story about a nighttime exchange with my mom in China—a moment that stirred reflection, emotion, and unexpected gratitude. What started as a conversation about clothes turned into a deeply felt revelation about the way love is expressed across time, distance, and generations.
In this episode, I explore:
The quiet ways our loved ones show care
How guilt and distance shape parent-child relationships
The shift from expectation to appreciation
A reminder to not take our closest relationships for granted
Reflection prompts:
Who in your life have you been unintentionally taking for granted?
What’s one small way you can express appreciation to someone close to you today?
💬 Favorite Quote from the Episode
“We often take our most sacred relationships for granted.”
“I realized how often I’ve taken her love—and her—for granted. How I’ve come to expect these gifts instead of appreciating the care and emotion behind them. As if they were something she owed me.
But they’re not owed. They’re offered. Freely. Lovingly.
I woke up to seven unread WeChat messages—all from my mom, who lives halfway across the world in China.
Opening the app, I saw pictures of a jacket and two blouses.
“I think this shirt will look good with a pair of jeans,” one of her messages read.
It was 11:15 p.m. in China. Having grown up with her, I know how much she needs her sleep. My grandma even lovingly called her “睡觉包” (“sleepyhead”). She normally goes to bed by 9:30 p.m., so I could only imagine how tired she must’ve been.
“I see them. You should go to bed. Let’s chat live tonight. I like the jacket and the first blouse. Do they have any other colors for the jacket? Can you help me look at some jeans?” I wrote back.
Five minutes later—Ding… Ding… Ding… Ding. My phone rang again.
She sent photos of a long skirt.
“What about this one?” she asked.
“Okay, sure.” I replied.
Ding. A photo of the same jacket in another color.
Then another.
“Looks good,” I responded. “You should go to sleep.”
A minute later—
“What kind of collar do you want?” she asked via WeChat.
“Go to sleep,” I replied again.
You see, my grandma and sister are coming to visit this summer. The last time they visited, they brought me half a suitcase full of clothes that my mom had picked out for me.
My mom has always carried a bit of guilt for not being able to take care of or spend money on me since I moved to the U.S. to live with my father when I was twelve years old. My sister, on the other hand, stayed in China with my mom and received all the love, care, and attention.
Over the past twenty years, I’ve only seen my mom in person half a dozen times. So she’s found other ways to show her love—from afar. One of them is buying me clothes.
I’ve known this about her. So in some ways, I wasn’t surprised by the stream of photos. In fact, I almost expected my sister and grandma to arrive this summer with another suitcase filled with things my mom picked out.
Ding. My mom sent another blouse—this time in green.
“Go to sleep, mom,” I wrote again, pleading for the fourth time.
And that’s when it hit me. I felt a lump in my throat and found myself tearing up.
Maybe it’s part of growing older. Maybe it’s the idea of becoming a parent myself. Maybe I’ve simply become more attuned to love’s quieter expressions.
In that moment, I felt completely connected to my mom—emotionally, spiritually—even from across the world. I could almost see her sitting on the edge of her bed, hunched over in the dark, with the light from her phone glowing softly on her face as she scrolled through photos, searching for the perfect item to match my taste and style.
In that quiet night, I saw and felt the deep, unconditional love of a mother.
And then I felt a wave of embarrassment.
I realized how often I’ve taken her love—and her—for granted. How I’ve come to expect these gifts instead of appreciating the care and emotion behind them. As if they were something she owed me.
But they’re not owed. They’re offered. Freely. Lovingly.
And they deserve gratitude.
More appreciation. Less expectation.
We often take our most sacred relationships for granted.
They’re the people closest to us—our parents, siblings, partners, grandparents. Yet these are often the ones we fail to honor in the way they deserve.
There’s usually more expectation than appreciation. Less patience. Less kindness. And sometimes, even less forgiveness than we’d offer a stranger on the street.
This was a reminder for me to:
Practice more appreciation, rather than expectation
Say more thank yous
Give our loved ones the attention they deserve
Be more patient and forgiving
And, to never take our most sacred relationships for granted—but instead, to honor each one with the love and care they so deeply deserve
Inviting You to Reflect On:
Who in your life have you been taking for granted?
How can you express appreciation to someone close to you today?
“Do you know where in the world coffee is grown?” our tour guide, Julio, asked as the ten of us huddled around him, the scent of roasted beans lingering in the air.
It was our first time visiting a coffee farm in Costa Rica. Julio led us toward a world map on the wall.
“Central America,” someone offered. “Africa,” another added. “Asia,” someone else chimed in.
“You’re all correct,” Julio smiled. “But does anyone know what the growing region is called?”
We glanced around and shook our heads.
“Coffee is grown inside the coffee belt,” he explained, pointing toward the map.
The coffee belt, we learned, is a geographic zone between the Tropics of Cancer and Capricorn—spanning roughly 25 degrees north and 30 degrees south of the equator—where conditions are just right for coffee to thrive. Rich volcanic soil, warm temperatures, high altitudes, and steady rainfall make it the ideal environment.
As an occasional coffee drinker, I was fascinated. I had never considered that crops like coffee could only grow in specific regions.
Since then, we’ve visited a cacao farm and a tea plantation. The same principle applies: cacao grows in the cacao belt, and tea flourishes in just a handful of countries with the right mix of climate, soil, and rainfall.
We learned this lesson firsthand when we tried gardening at home. The leaves on my dahlia flowers looked especially wilty, and the blooms drooped within two days of planting.
Even though I had checked all the boxes—plenty of water, full sun—the dahlias didn’t perk up until I replaced the regular soil with fast-draining soil, which they actually needed.
In nature, a plant—whether a coffee bean, a tea leaf, or a flower—cannot thrive unless it’s in an environment that supports its growth. It needs the right mix of climate, soil, and sun exposure to reach its full potential.
The more I learned about what plants need to thrive, the more I saw the parallel: we, too, need the right environment to grow—especially at work.
Finding Your ‘Thriving’ Place at Work
Having worked at or consulted for half a dozen companies, I’ve seen firsthand how each organization has its own unique environment—shaped by its culture, leadership style, mission, values, and people.
Each workplace has its own set of “growing conditions.” And those conditions, fortunately or unfortunately, aren’t ideal for everyone.
Take Amazon and Starbucks, for example. At Amazon, efficiency is prized over personal connection. At Starbucks, “human connection” is a core part of the mission. The culture encourages casual coffee chats between colleagues as a way to foster relationships.
My partner thrives in Amazon’s environment. For me, Starbucks provides a better space where I do my best work.
If your workplace feels frustrating or draining, you might just be a coffee bean trying to grow outside the coffee belt—not because you’re not capable, but because the conditions aren’t right for you.
To find the kind of workplace where you’ll thrive, you first have to understand what kind of “plant” you are. Are you a coffee bean or a tea plant? Do you prefer full sun or shade? What kind of environment brings out your best?
I promise you: there’s a company out there with the perfect soil, climate, and care for you. And if you can’t find that place? Don’t settle. Create it for yourself.
Planting Conditions for an Idea to Thrive
I once worked for a visionary CEO who advised Silicon Valley executives on how to build user-centric organizations—places where technologies are intuitively designed because everyone from top to bottom deeply understands the end user.
He developed a formula I still think about today: Business Value by Design = People × Process × Mindset × Environment
Most organizations invest in people and process. Some nurture the right mindset. But many overlook one of the most important elements: environment.
And yet, environment is often the make-or-break factor that determines whether an idea survives—or withers on the vine.
Just like a cacao seed won’t sprout outside the cacao belt, an idea won’t thrive in a company that isn’t ready for it. If the soil isn’t fertile, if the climate is too harsh, if there isn’t space for it to breathe and evolve—it doesn’t matter how visionary the idea is.
I’ve seen brilliant ideas fall flat because the culture wasn’t open to experimentation. I’ve also seen small ideas spark big transformation, simply because the conditions encouraged collaboration, risk-taking, and iteration.
So before you judge an idea as “good” or “bad,” ask instead:
Is the environment ready for this idea to grow?
Are the conditions—leadership buy-in, team readiness, psychological safety, timing—there?
And if not, what can be done to improve the soil.
Because sometimes, it’s not the seed that’s lacking. It’s the soil.
Where are you meant to grow?
Whether it’s a coffee bean, a flower, a person, or an idea—everything needs the right environment to truly thrive.
Growth isn’t just about effort or potential; it’s about fit. You could be doing everything “right,” but if the conditions around you aren’t aligned, you’ll always feel like you’re struggling to bloom.
So ask yourself: What’s your ideal growing environment?
What kind of soil, climate, and care help you flourish? And what about the ideas you carry—are they planted in the right place to take root?
The more we understand what helps us—and our ideas—grow, the better equipped we are to seek out or create environments where thriving becomes not the exception, but the norm.
Inviting You to Reflect on:
What kind of “plant” are you? What conditions help you thrive?
Are you currently in your coffee belt—or trying to grow outside of it?
What kind of environment do your ideas need to take root?
It was a rainy Saturday morning. Since moving to my new home six months ago, I hadn’t really gotten involved in the community—until yesterday, when I volunteered at the local art museum for the first time.
My role was simple: help check in guests as they arrived for a spring event.
As an introvert who would usually rather look at her phone than engage in small talk with strangers, this meant stepping outside of my comfort zone. For a full hour, I greeted people, exchanged pleasantries, and made conversation with guests I had never met before.
What I never would have guessed was how I’d feel leaving the museum after my shift—I walked out feeling like I had just won the lottery.
To my surprise, I felt an immense sense of joy and aliveness from doing something I had long assumed was energy-draining rather than life-giving: talking to strangers.
Simple exchanges like “I love the color of your coat,” “What brings you in today?” or “How’s your morning so far?” opened the door to something deeper.
For me, it was the feeling of being connected to another human being, and knowing I’d brightened someone’s day—even if just for a moment—that made it all feel so special.
It was witnessing a shiftin body language—from closed and guarded to open and relaxed.
It was watching someone’s mood transform—from distant to animated and full of life.
It was catching the sparkle in their eyes and seeing a smile spread across their face.
It was hearing them initiate a follow-up conversation, giving me a glimpse into their world:
“I made sure I was first in line today because I have my eyes on this watercolor card with a fox on it…”
It was discovering their essence radiating from the inside out.
It was witnessing change in others—and feeling an unexpected joyripple within me—through the simple act of striking up a conversation and sharing a laugh together.
That hour reminded me of something I had forgotten: the quiet, healing power of human connection. These small moments are like electric pulses that reactivate our hearts, reminding us of our innate capacity for love, for empathy, and for joy.
We are all connected—interwoven in ways we may have forgotten, with powers we too often neglect. The power to brighten someone else’s day. The power to show up with kindness. The power to connect.
In a world that feels increasingly digitized, mechanized, and divided, we need connection now more than ever—more than we may even realize.
For me, this means continuing to show up in my community. Saying yes to new experiences. And rediscovering the joy of talking to strangers.
It doesn’t have to be a big gesture either. It could be as small as saying something kind to the cashier at the grocery store or asking “How’s your morning been?” when we call customer service next.
A little can go a long way.
And that power—that light—is already within us.
Inviting You to Reflect on:
When was the last time you had a meaningful interaction with a stranger? How did it make you feel?
In what simple ways can you bring more warmth and connection into your everyday encounters?
What would it look like to be a source of light in someone else’s day today?
A few weeks ago, I was FaceTiming with my grandma and telling her about some of the acupuncture points I’ve been learning recently.
I shared them with her because she had been trained in Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) as a young girl by her father—my great-grandfather. In fact, he was a renowned TCM practitioner with his own clinic before the Cultural Revolution broke out in the early 1960s.
What my grandma said next completely shifted my knowledge and understanding of my heritage.
“我的姥爷也是医生。我们家就是职业医生。” “My grandfather was also a TCM doctor. In fact, the trade of our family has always been medicine.”
I was shocked. I had always known about my great-grandfather, but I didn’t realize I came from a lineage of traditional Chinese medicine doctors.
That knowledge felt like a full-circle moment. Over the past few years, I’ve been diving deeper into holistic health and TCM—driven by nothing more than personal curiosity. And now, I was learning that this path has been within my bloodline all along, not to mention a meaningful step in a much longer journey: one of reclaiming and even celebrating my heritage as a Chinese American.
As with many immigrants, there’s often a strong desire to assimilate—to fit in and feel like you belong in your new home. When I immigrated to the U.S. at 12, I vividly remember judging, rejecting, and even trying to forget my heritage.
I didn’t want to be “too Asian.” I avoided hanging out in large groups of Asians. I prided myself on having mostly non-Asian friends, as if that somehow proved I had broken the stereotype that “all the Asians hang out together.”
When my friends and I went out to eat, I chose anywhere but a Chinese restaurant. I even tried to forget memories from my childhood, telling myself I had “moved on.”
Looking back now, I can see how extreme—and painful—that disconnection was.
Like tannins in wine, I too softened with age. As much as I had tried to forget my past, a quiet yearning began to grow within me—a desire to return to my roots.
It started with cravings for Chinese food. That “I’m home” feeling when walking through the aisles of an Asian grocery store, spotting foods like dried squid, seaweed, and fermented tofu—items that might seem foreign or even repulsive to others but feel so familiar and comforting to me.
Because I haven’t spoken, read, or written Chinese on a daily basis for two decades, my language skills have become rusty. But two years ago, I felt a deep desire to reconnect. I set a goal to study Chinese for at least an hour each week.
Now, as I explore TCM more deeply, it’s been especially rewarding to be able to read ancient texts in Chinese. So much meaning gets lost in translation, and being able to understand the original language gives me direct access to the richness and nuance of the practice.
I’ve also begun to recall so many wellness habits and philosophies my grandparents passed down when I was young—wisdom I had taken for granted at the time. Things like:
A central philosophy: Health is wealth. “If you don’t have health, you don’t have anything,” my grandma still reminds me.
A technique from my grandpa: massage a pressure point on the back of your neck when you feel sickness coming on.
A daily wellness drink: my grandma prepares a blend of over 10 types of grains and TCM herbs to nourish the body each morning.
A simple practice: sit on the balcony or go outside to soak in sunlight (晒晒太阳), especially important as we age.
As a little girl, this was just what my family did. But now, I see how much these practices have influenced me—and how deeply they’ve shaped my growing passion for Traditional Chinese Medicine and natural healing.
So hearing that I come from generations of TCM doctors felt like a full-circle moment—marking the end of one chapter (where past wounds were healed) and the beginning of another (where I fully love, celebrate, and reclaim what makes me me).
It’s been inside me all along: My culture. The wellness practices of my childhood. My lineage.
I’m not alone. In fact, I have generations of doctors walking with me, supporting me, and cheering me on as I continue this journey in TCM, health, and holistic healing.
Hi there,
Thank you for reading. I sincerely hope the reflection enabled you to look at your culture and heritage through a new lens—a recognition of what a gift it may actually be.
Best,
Elinor
Inviting You to Reflect on:
What about your culture, roots, or heritage do you want to reclaim? What are some things already within you that you may have forgotten?
Are there traditions, stories, or wisdom passed down through your family that you once overlooked but now feel called to explore?
“Your vitamin D is extremely low,” Dr. K said, peering at my bloodwork. “I recommend a high-dose prescription. It’s taken once a week.”
He paused before continuing, “Another thing that really concerns me is your cholesterol level. It looks hereditary, but I’d still recommend considering a statin—a cholesterol-lowering drug.”
I sat there taking it all in… and then a memory surfaced.
“I remember reading something about a relationship between vitamin D and cholesterol,” I said. “Is that a thing?”
Dr. K looked thoughtful. “Hmm… that’s not something I’ve come across in the literature I’ve read. I can look into it and get back to you.”
You see, I’m not against medication. But if there’s a natural approach—like spending more time in the sun, adjusting my diet, or exercise more—I’ll explore that first.
And I did remember seeing something about vitamin D and cholesterol being linked. Curious, I typed into Google: “Relationship between vitamin D and cholesterol.”
As someone who geeks out on health and wellness, I dove in—and what I discovered blew my mind.
🧬 Cholesterol is a Precursor to Vitamin D
Wait… what?
Turns out, we need cholesterol in our skin cells to make vitamin D from sunlight. Specifically, a molecule called 7-dehydrocholesterol (a form of cholesterol) converts into vitamin D3 when exposed to UVB rays.
This blew me away:
The chemical formula for cholesterol is C27H46O. The chemical formula for vitamin D3 is C27H44O. The only difference? Two hydrogen atoms. Those two hydrogen atoms are released when our skin is exposed to ultraviolet light.
So yes—the link is real. And closer than I ever imagined.
🌟 Cholesterol Isn’t the Villain We’ve Been Told It Is
Cholesterol has been demonized in our culture. We seek out “low-cholesterol” or cholesterol lowering foods. We’re taught cholesterol clogs arteries and causes heart attacks. But that’s just one piece of a larger story.
Cholesterol plays a critical role in the body. Blood cholesterol not only helps create vitamin D, it also converts into hormones, supports brain function, helps form blood cells, and protects our nerves.
And did you know your cholesterol level can be too low? In fact, low cholesterol is associated with mortality from stroke, heart disease, and cancer. Source: National Institute of Health
So no—it’s not all bad. Like many things in life, it’s about balance, not elimination.
☀️ Sunlight: Our Primary Source of Vitamin D
Vitamin D is crucial for healthy bones, muscles, immunity—and may help prevent diseases like diabetes, cancer, and autoimmune disorders. Source: MDPI
But here’s the catch: Diet alone usually isn’t enough to meet our vitamin D needs. The primary source? Sunlight.
Only one specific type of ultraviolet ray—UVB—can trigger vitamin D synthesis in the body. It photolyzes 7-dehydrocholesterol in the skin, starting the transformation into usable vitamin D3.
But here’s what blew my mind even more: You can be outside and still not get any UVB.
So even if you think you’re getting sun, your body might not be making any vitamin D.
⚖️ Finding the Right Balance
UVB rays are a double-edged sword. Too little exposure can lead to deficiency. Too much can increase the risk of skin cancer. Same source—radically different outcomes depending on dosage.
How much is “just right”? That depends on your skin tone, location, and time of year. (This NIH paper helped, but I’m still digging into this.)
Bottom line: we need moderate, intentional sun exposure to support our vitamin D levels—and, by extension, our overall health.
📉 Could More Vitamin D Lower Cholesterol?
I also found studies exploring whether raising vitamin D levels might help lower LDL (the so-called “bad” cholesterol). The evidence is still mixed, but some research shows a possible correlation between higher vitamin D and lower LDL levels. Source: Nature
More research is needed, but it’s a promising area.
📬 A Follow-Up from Dr. K
Two days later, Dr. K messaged me.
“I did some digging and found that there is a relationship between vitamin D and cholesterol production. UVB is the light that converts 7-dehydrocholestrol to Vitamin D3 in the body…”
💡 So What?
I feel like I just earned a mini-PhD in vitamin D and cholesterol—ha.
But seriously, what struck me most wasn’t the science itself. It was how little I actually knew about basic processes in my own body—despite being “well-educated” by traditional standards.
I had unknowingly formed beliefs based on headlines, ads, and half-truths. That cholesterol is all bad. That the sun rays cause skin cancer. None of it was completely true—or completely false.
Here’s what I learned instead:
Cholesterol is a precursor to vitamin D
Their chemical formulas are nearlyidentical
Cholesterol plays essential roles in the body
Sunlight, not diet, is our main source of vitamin D
We may not be producing vitamin D even when “in the sun”
The answer lies in balance, not avoidance
🔍 The Bigger Lesson
The truth is often more nuanced than we’re led to believe.
When it comes to our health—and our lives—we owe it to ourselves to ask better questions, challenge surface-level assumptions, and take radical responsibility for our own well-being.
Inviting you to reflect on: What’s one “truth” you’ve accepted without questioning—about your health, body, or life—that might be worth a second look?
As the VP of Membership at my company’s Toastmasters club, I hold onboarding calls with prospective members to share more about the club and learn why they’re interested in joining.
“I’m good at communicating one-on-one, but…”
After speaking with 50+ prospective members, I started noticing a pattern—it’s what comes after the but.
“But not in a larger forum.”
“But I get nervous speaking up in front of an audience of 10+ people.”
“But when I’m communicating with a VP, I fumble. I don’t make sense, and I start to ramble.”
“But I black out when I present in front of a room full of people.”
Our members want to communicate confidently, concisely, and impactfully—in front of anyone, in any setting. That makes sense. After all, Toastmasters is a platform designed to improve public speaking skills.
What surprises me most, though, is who is sharing these goals. Frankly, 80% of the people who say this already seem like strong communicators—structuring their thoughts well, using minimal filler words, and delivering messages concisely.
Is It Really About Communication Skills?
That got me thinking: What’s the difference between communicating one-on-one versus in front of a larger audience or senior leaders? After all, the raw mechanics of communication are the same in both settings.
And what if… it’s not communication skills our members need, but something deeper?
I thought back to my first project review with our VP, Jeff.
I knew my material inside and out. But when Jeff asked me a simple question, I completely blanked. My heart pounded, my breath became shallow, and everything I knew vanished.
The nerves got me.
Afterward, I felt terrible. I related to what Jen, a prospective member, told me who shared a similar experience:
“My VP probably thinks I’m dumb. That I don’t know what I’m doing. They probably won’t want me in the meeting anymore.”
I felt some of that, too.
But here’s the truth: No one thinks that way except us.
Most people—whether it’s your VP, CEO, or peer—want to see yousucceed.
Which makes me wonder: Is mastering public speaking less about technical skills and more about overcoming the illusions we create in our own minds?
Which makes me wonder:
Is mastering public speaking less about technical skills and more about overcoming the illusions we create in our own minds?
The Real Barriers to Communicating with Confidence
It’s not just about how we speak – it’s about what we believe.
…the stories we tell ourselves.
…The pressure to prove ourselves – to sound smart, to earn our seat at the table. (And on the flip side, the fear of not sounding or looking smart)
…The doubt and judgement we place on ourselves, replaying the could haves and should haves after the fact.
Simply put, we paralyzeOURSELVES with our own fears, doubts, goals, and criticisms.
The real key to public speaking? Mastering ourselves.
So, what if the secret isn’t just in refining our communication skills, but in mastering ourselves–removing self-doubt, releasing unwarranted pressure, and giving ourselves grace?
(Because again, most people want to see you succeed.)
To stop judging ourselves so harshly
To let go of the need to have all the answers
To believe we deserve to be in the room
To give ourselves permission to communicate with confidence
To offer ourselves grace if we stumble
Most of all, to trust and give ourselves permission to be our authentic selves–without fear or judgment
What if we were to release all of our fears and replace them with love and self-acceptance?
During my MBA program, I was part of the Improv Club, where we’d meet every week to play improv games.
One of the core principles of improv is “Yes, And.” It’s a simple but powerful rule: accept what another improviser has stated (“yes”) and then build upon it (“and”). It encourages openness, creativity, and the willingness to explore beyond the obvious.
This principle came to mind recently when I caught up with a friend who mentioned that my former MBA classmate and housemate, Sammi, had gained influencer status—with over 260K subscribers on Instagram.
What? How? When?
I had so many questions.
When I looked into it, I learned that since 2022, Sammi has been posting daily short videos demystifying the latest business ‘lore.’ I knew she worked at Amazon after we graduated from business school in 2020.
Is she still working full-time? Amazon can be a pretty intense place…
Having known Sammi, I wasn’t surprised by her drive. She’s a go-getter. But still, I was impressed.
Getting to learn more about her success and specifically how she’s been able to do both inspired me to reexamine my own life and my belief systems around the prerequisite to success.
The Trap of “Either-Or” Thinking
I realized that I’ve often operated with an “Either-Or” mindset:
Either I work a corporate job or I start my own business.
Either I pursue a successful career or I prioritize family.
Either I take a creative risk or I play it safe.
This way of thinking isn’t unique to me. We see it everywhere:
Either finish your homework now, or you can’t go out with your friends later.
Either go on vacation, or save for a house.
It’s easy to see why “Either-Or” thinking is our default. It simplifies decision-making. It’s clear-cut. You pick one, and you move on. But what if that’s an illusion?
The Power of “Yes, And” Thinking
Sammi didn’t choose between having a job or building an audience—she did both. She embraced the “Yes, And” mindset.
Her journey made me ask myself: Where in my life have I been limiting myself with false choices?
What if instead of assuming we have to choose between two paths, we ask:
How can I have a stable job and explore my entrepreneurial ambitions?
How can I be career-driven and cultivate deep personal relationships?
How can I take creative risks and maintain security?
The boundaries of “Yes, And” may feel incredibly ambiguous, and that can be uncomfortable. But what possibilities are we shutting out when we limit ourselves to just two options?
What If We Embrace The Possibilities?
Psychologists call this the Either-Or Fallacy (False Dilemma)—when we assume there are only two choices and fail to recognize a third (or fourth, or fifth) alternative.
But what if we challenged that way of thinking?
What if, rather than limiting ourselves, we started saying “Yes, And” to life?
How do you cope with stress or uncertainty? Do you fight, flight, or fawn?
Personally, I just shut down. I am like those teenagers who have the “Keep Out” signs on their bedroom doors.
That’s what I did on Monday. Given the continued uncertainty about layoffs, I isolated myself at work by working at the ‘library’ on a different floor. This is where I’ll process all my feelings. Alone, I thought.
No talking, no calls, no social interactions. Exactly what I needed right now—or so I thought.
I ate lunch alone. I worked alone. I took calls in a small room alone. By the end of the day, I had accomplished what I wanted—I had little to no human interactions.
And unknowingly, I grew more anxious, disengaged, and angry as the day went on.
What am I doing here? I wouldn’t be surprised if they… I spiraled into negative thoughts.
Simple Changes. Drastically Different Outcomes.
On Tuesday, I decided to try something different.
Instead of isolating myself, I attended a weekly coffee tasting, a casual get-together over brewed coffee. Our host shared the coffee of the week and tried to lift us up by asking, “What is something you’re looking forward to?”
We went around and shared one by one.
“My 2-week trip to South Africa,” someone said.
“Snowshoeing with friends this weekend,” someone else said.
“Exciting TV season coming up…”
As simple as it was, it felt so good to hear and cheer each other on for the joyous memories ahead.
Then, my director walked in with tasting cups filled with mystery coffee.
“Take a small, tiny sip,” he cautioned, “and tell me what you think”.
My teammates and I each grabbed a cup and immediately called out:
“It tastes burnt.”
“Sour.”
“This reminds me of medicine.”
“Well thank you for the feedback,” he said, chuckling. “A friend shipped this to me from South Africa and wanted some honest feedback.”
We laughed. “Maybe don’t tell your friend everything we said,’ we joked.
And instead of eating lunch alone, I decided to eat at the community table with 10 other teammates during the lunch hour. We talked about microplastics (yikes), watercolor vs. acrylics, and oysters.
At the end of Tuesday, I felt like a different person. So much happier, more motivated, and more optimistic about the future.
What I Thought I Needed… Wasn’t What I Needed
As an introvert who needs her quiet, alone time to recharge and prefers to process emotions on her own before engaging with others, I was surprised by how drastically my emotions shifted from one day to the next.
What I thought I needed wasn’t what I needed. I craved solitude, but what I truly needed was connection.
This experience highlighted the power of human connection—especially in moments when we feel like shutting the world out. In fact, it is during those lonely moments that we need connection the most.
It’s through the smallest gestures—
coming together,
sharing a laugh,
rooting for each other’s future,
checking in,
sharing a meal—
that our souls are nourished in return.
On Tuesday, I realized it is not aloneness but rather togetherness that we find the hope, strength, and inspiration to keep going.
And how, in times of need, our connections with each other can nourish our soul.
This experience has certainly reshaped how I will cope with difficult situations moving forward. It has also reshaped how I can be of service to others during tough times. I realized a simple hi and a smile can go a long way.
What about you?
How do you cope with uncertainty? How could connecting with others–rather than isolating yourself–benefit you mentally and emotionally?
Is there someone in your life who could use a simple check-in today?
Valentine’s Day often centers on showing love to others—our partners, children, friends, and colleagues. But one of the most powerful relationships we can nurture is the one we have with ourselves.
What if this Valentine’s Day, we choose to love ourselves as deeply as we love others?
…
Try saying this out loud like you really mean it: I’m enough.
If you’re like most people, those words might feel uncomfortable, even foreign. Why is that?
Because often, deep down, we don’t believe it. As soon as we attempt to affirm our worth, our inner critic interrupts:
You’re not as smart/capable/creative/successful as someone else. What have you accomplished to deserve that belief?
The harsh judgment continues, often more cruel than anything someone else would say to us directly.
But what if we chose to view our inner critic with love and compassion? Imagine it as a younger version of yourself—a child who has endured years or decades of criticism, comparison, and unrealistic expectations.
This brings to mind the Fire Spirit from Frozen II, a gentle salamander consumed by fear and anger, leaving destruction in its path. Yet, when Elsa met it with love and compassion instead of resistance, its fiery rage stopped, revealing its true, lovable nature.
What if we approached our inner critic the same way?
What if we recognized that the critical voice isn’t truly us?
Think back to the first time you heard those judgmental words. Way, way back.
Whose voice was it? A parent? A teacher? A boss? Once we hear something enough, we begin to internalize it, mistaking it as our own.
Picture that younger version of yourself hearing those hurtful words. How did they feel at that moment? Flawed? Inadequate? Unworthy?
Now, imagine embracing that younger self. What would you say to them now?
Perhaps: You are worthy. You are loved. You are enough.
Feel the warmth of compassion as you reassure them. Visualize pouring love into them, healing old wounds with kindness.
…
Healing begins when we unlearn the judgment we’ve absorbed and start remembering who we truly are—whole, worthy, and free.
This Valentine’s Day, let’s commit to loving ourselves as much as we love others.
Our inner critic isn’t our enemy; it’s a part of us that needs love. When we nurture it with compassion, we step closer to embracing our true selves—worthy, enough, and whole.
What about you?
What is one critical thought you often tell yourself? How can you reframe it with compassion? What would your younger self need to hear from you today?
Elevate Everyday 